Wine and the Need for Women Only Spaces

The birth of Women Who Wine Rome

Wine takes up a considerable part of my life. I think about it a lot, travel for it, and help people have a better relationship with it. It is more than just a beverage for me. It's a gateway, a master key to other interests such as language, culture, history, biodiversity, geology, farming, food, etc. The more you learn, the more you realize you do not know. I'm confident in my wine knowledge, and for areas I lack, there are books, tastings, and seminars I regularly attend. If you have been on the periphery of this world, you will notice that it is entirely male-dominated, and in the society we live in now, that means a lot of macho, know-it-all cockery at events which makes wine seem intimidating and sometimes unsafe. I know it is the same in almost all fields; it is not limited to wine. Men take up space. They talk over everyone. They need us to know how much they know, and then enjoy letting us know how silly and stupid we are when we don't know some morsel of information that would genuinely only be recognized by an insider. They do this in the gaming world, academia, and almost every space known to humankind. But with the element of wine, there is alcohol, which adds to their obnoxious bravado. It is annoying, boring, can be dangerous, and a few years ago, I had HAD it.

My work in wine has primarily been in education and tourism while dabbling in writing. The first two pay the bills. For me to stay up-to-date, I regularly attend tastings and seminars. Sometimes while the men blather on on a fucking stage, I tune out and daydream or write ideas in my notebook. 

In 2019, I decided to take a 12-week wine course because I had the time, I knew I would learn a lot, and it is good for my Italian language skills to be immersed in classes like this. The course consisted of a lecture and then a tasting. Participants were asked for their opinions and to discuss the wine. There were undoubtedly more men than women in the class. I slowly realized that whenever a woman spoke, a man would start to talk over her, and the teacher did nothing about it. Men weren't interrupted. And if they were, by another man, there would be an "Excuse me" before another man started rambling on quoting some dead philosopher and making sure we knew his intelligence. Whenever a woman was interrupted, nobody did anything. I have been in education. I taught a wine course for 5 years, and whenever the young men did this, I would cut them off and tell them they were rude and to let her finish. Why wasn't this the case here? Was it a generational thing? Cultural? The men had no idea that they were doing this because they always had. 

I see it every day. Boys are allowed to talk over and dominate their sisters. Nobody says a thing. It dawned on me that women were not allowed the same voice over the years of attending tastings and lectures. when winemakers were invited to talk about their wine, it was the man on stage and the wife sitting in a corner. Of course, there were exceptions, but only for women who were singular and did not make wine with a male partner. I would leave those tastings absolutely raging. 

I took some of my wine students to a natural wine fair on another occasion. I was there to guide them through the in-and-outs of wine fairs, translate if we talked to winemakers, and teach them about some of the wines we were tasting. I am confident enough in my wine knowledge to say I know what I am doing here, and I am a person who will ask a question when I don't know something. We started to chat with a winemaker from Piglio. I love my regional wines, so I was very detailed in my explanation, and we had a decent conversation with the winemaker, who was clearly engaged and excited to talk with us. Then, along comes man-bun natural wine guy who walked in front of me and started speaking in bad English to explain the wines. He was saying exactly what I was already saying. He was in no way associated with this winemaker or the fair. He was a guest, just like me, but had that clear male audacity that leads them to believe they have something important to say and that it is more interesting than what the women are already saying. I told him we didn't ask him for his input and that we were having a private conversation, so what do I hear next? Puttana. Bitch. I was the horrible and rude person, not the guy who inserted himself without being asked. 

Around this time, outside of Italy, there was a lot of discussion about sexism in the wine industry. Overall, when you evaluate this world from any aspect of it. From farmer to distributer to writer to seller, the primary demographic is white men. And yes, some women have made it to the top of their field, but they had to play by the rules set up by the men. I have often been told to behave, to make my feminism more palatable to male fragility. So this cycle of machismo just keeps perpetuating itself over and over and over again. And it is not limited to just being spoken over. Women who don't behave as they see fit don't have opportunities. Men talk over us, talk down to us, straight-up ignore us, harass us, behave sexually and inappropriately towards us, stalk us, demean us in private and public, assault us, and yes, there are cases of rape. 

One only has to look up men like Joe Fattorini or the Court of Master Sommeliers scandals. There are loads of articles women have written about misogny, being coerced and harassed. The institutions we go to for education uphold the Patriarchy. And the industry as a whole does nothing about it. In fact, a man like Joe Fattorini can harass women on a large platform and his male cohorts gaslight us and tell us, "He is not a bad guy." When the evidence of his disgusting crimes is tangible and real. He is rewarded and given more work. That's our industry. 

I was done. 

And then Covid happened. 

During the first lockdown, like everyone else out there, I thought a lot about the meaning of life, my purpose in life, and how this might be an excellent opportunity to start making real changes in the industry. I was also just sick of mansplaining and men in general. I guess that happens to most women of a certain age. I have very little time or respect for people who think my role in this world is less important or that my gender implies I do not have knowledge. Yes, before you rage on me, I know it is not all men, but it is most men, and only men have the real power to topple the patriarchal system in which we live. Every woman I know has been catcalled, harassed, treated as inferior, given less pay than her male counterparts, talked down to, talked over, ignored, assaulted, or worse. No woman has survived this world without experiencing at least one of those, and yet, no man does the harassing, the disrespecting, the assaulting. The math is off here, people. Men need to have the courage to call out their friends, fathers, brothers, cousins, colleagues, and sons when they behave like this. I honestly believe that men are so indoctrinated into their superiority they have no idea that what they do and say is actually harmful. Their own mothers (and fathers) treated them differently than their sisters. I see it randomly when I see people out with their kids. We have done such a great job with young women. They are much more self-aware, independent, and unwilling to put up with the bullshit now than my generation (X), but the boys are lagging. 

In the summer of 2020, I joined a Black Lives Matter demonstration in Rome. I had been chatting with my former student Laura Talafer, a yoga instructor in Rome who was a student in my first semester teaching wine at Istituto Lorenzo de´Medici. She met a Roman guy and eventually got married and moved to Italy like me. She was here for several years, but we didn't hang out. Our lives were parallel, not perpendicular. We met at the demonstration and promised to meet soon for dinner or wine, and I followed through with it. We met for dinner and caught up, and I told her about my dream to create a women-only wine club. She told me she had the perfect place. A terrace just above Campo de’ Fiori. With a few more chats with her and her boss Amity from Zem Yoga Studio, Women Who Wine Rome was born. It started with about 12 people through our various networks and grew to over 130 women over time. Each tasting has a theme. I choose the wines, and I lead the tasting. My goal is to make wine accessible and to take the intimidation factor out of it. A bonus is that it is a lovely opportunity to meet new people and chat with friends without the pressure of men interrupting us or spoiling the mood. It's liberating. Women-only spaces empower women in direct opposition to the power structure we live in, which is power over rather than power with. Women-only spaces are the contrary. They are a celebration of wholeness and life. Joy is a revolution. 

We are heading into the 4th year of women who wine, which is still growing. I have met some incredible people through this group who share the same feminist values that I don't think I would have met under different circumstances. With this group, we can openly share our experiences with men in wine (or in other fields). There is no judgment because we have all had that experience. Participants feel safe to ask questions about wine without being judged or put down, no eye rolling from me, or long lectures overexplaining something. Some women come just for the social atmosphere, which is also fine. Wine is such a wonderful thing because it can bring people together. There are no fights or arguments. I don't sit on a stage talking for two hours before pouring a glass of wine. My role is just to share, not to gatekeep. This group is open to all people who identify as women or femme. 

We drink natural wine and work with producers who consider themselves stewards of the land. When I organize visits, I choose producers I align with. Ecocide and femicide are intrinsically linked within the patriarchal structure. When the system views the earth and women's bodies as objects from which to extract rather than holistic, breathing, living beings that are part of a whole, there is a type of global cognitive dissonance. Despite all the romantic lifestyle content on social media, the wine industry is part of this extraction system. There is a lot of chemical input in agriculture and the cellar. It is quite symbolic to me. They are serving us our future, death. 

Wine is not, nor has it ever been just a beverage. In her new book, "To Fall in Love, Drink This," Alice Feiring says, "While wine can be seen as frivolous, it is actually a symbolic synthesis of our culture." 

My vision is to create a safe space where women can enjoy and learn about wine while taking a few steps away from convention. I want a holistic space. A place where wine is the conduit for meaningful friendships, learning about terroir, having a greater appreciation for the region we live in, and connecting to wine culture. Gatekeeping is off the table.