La Dolce Vita Does Not Exist
Why I don't share my life in Italy anymore
A few weeks ago, on Substack, I kept coming across an anglophone man who lived in Spain. Week after week, he continued to post his farmers’ market hauls, which were lovely. What bothered me was that he kept posting how much he paid, and in his opinion, it was incredibly cheap. Why do people do this without any real context? I wanted to troll the guy and mention that in the country where he lives, 25% of the population makes less than €1,600 a month. Spending 30-50 euros a couple of times a week on fruit and vegetables can actually be a burden for many people. I also think it's a gross form of bragging about your sweet life abroad for those left at home to marvel over and dream about. Lifestyle social media accounts rarely give socioeconomic context to whatever bullshit they flaunt. According to
, the average annual gross salary in Spain is €23,350 - about 20% less than the EU average. Go check out that link and see the charts he has posted. The countries anglophones poetically exaggerate about including how cheap prices are and the lifestyle are the worst off in terms of stagnant wages, cost of living, and spending power.It is not better in Italy. Among Europe’s major economies, Italy has the lowest wages when adjusted for the cost of living. So when you see the kind of content that is selling the carefree, dolce far niente lifestyle, ask, for who? Tourists or people who reside here and earn Italian wages? I want to preface that there is nothing wrong with enjoying an Italian holiday. We all need holidays that refill our souls, but please know that the Italian dream on a holiday is not the reality here.
As I write this, I remember that today is my twentieth anniversary of living in Italy. It has been a journey with a lot of grief, ups and downs, and finally settling into my life here. Of those twenty years, I have spent seventeen working in some capacity in food and wine tourism. I currently freelance for a couple of companies, and I no longer sell tours in Italy. I am certainly not trying to sell a lifestyle that doesn't exist.
In 2005, Ettore and I hopped on a plane to Rome without a plan. I decided to spend the summer in Florence to study Italian while he stayed in Genzano and the Rome area to settle in and look for work. I went home at the end of September of the same year. I found an old friend squatting in my mother's house and using her as a babysitter so she could go out partying. My mother is a people pleaser who always wants to help people. I had to shut that down, and it was stressful thinking I left my mum out to the wolves. While I was visiting, my best friend since I was three years old died. It was a shitty year, and I came back to Italy a week after her funeral. I had to find a job, and at that time, the only thing I qualified for was teaching English for 6 euros an hour. I had to commute about an hour and 30 minutes each way just to earn 42 euros. It was depressing. The work, the commute, and the intense grief I was feeling without family or friends to lift me up. I was lonely, and on top of this, I learned very quickly that Rome actually has seasons I was not prepared for.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I am from San Diego. We have two seasons: Perfect and Santa Ana. I grew up in a canyon on the edge of the sea. It's a peaceful, multicultural border city with ideal weather. I lived in Adelaide, Australia, and Munich, Germany, in my 20s; I ski. I know how to dress and live in a real winter. People told me that California has a Mediterranean climate, so that is how I approached moving to Italy. That first winter I lived in Genzano, it snowed in the Castelli and Rome for the first time in 25 years. I was not prepared. And frankly, I was not happy.
I soon discovered that many Italian men are creeps. If you look them in the eye or say hello, they take it as a sign to hit on you. My male students would often mistake my niceness for interest. I had two stalkers at the school, and I felt unsafe. My office manager reprimanded me for fraternizing with the students. Me. Who gave these men my phone number? Why were they waiting for me outside of the school? Nobody would do anything, so I quit. And then I had to spend a month begging to be paid less than 100 euros. This was my introduction to life in Italy. It was rough, and I didn't come with an Italian fantasy. I came because we wanted to see if California or Italy was the right place for us.
I won’t write about the femicide in Italy.
It wasn't all bleak. When I moved down to Genzano from Florence, we both worked during the week and had weekends free to explore Lazio. At first, we had the obligatory Sunday lunch at his mother's, but eventually, we decided our free time was for us. In my first three years here, I discovered how incredible Lazio is. Everything anyone could want from their Italian fantasy is here. Medieval hilltop towns, astonishing beach resorts, Rome, art and culture, a burgeoning wine culture, and a food system steeped in centuries of history. I wrote extensively about my experiences on my MySpace blog (RIP), which I no longer have access to. I was obsessed with the local mythology and enamored especially with Lago di Nemi and the mysteries of the cult of Diana. I was reading a lot of Robert Graves in those days, and of course, I read The Golden Bough, which is based on the cult.
Eventually, I trained to be a tour guide in Rome and started studying wine more seriously at Associazione Italiana Sommelier. I opened my own company to guide people not only in Rome but also in the beautiful and sacred areas outside of Rome. I adopted many animals because the abandonment of dogs and cats is quite prevalent here. I found my soul mates, Benny Boo Boo and Chardonnay, in a dumpster at Nemi. I also had access to excellent healthcare without the debt of the American healthcare system weighing on me. Ultimately, we decided to build our lives here in Italy.
When Instagram first came around, I was into it. It was a great way to showcase Lazio and share my life with friends. It wasn't monetized, so it felt quite organic. A lot of my clients came via Instagram. I would visit California and my friends and family would comment as if I were on a permanent Italian holiday. Eventually, it started to feel gross, and I figured out all these anglophone expat bloggers writing about and posting about Life in Italy and La Dolce Vita were full of shit. Not only are they full of shit, but they also know how to game the system. It's a virtual circle jerk. They tag each other and promote each other, resulting in an endless cycle of content creation, tagging, and mentioning. They get kickbacks from businesses they promote. Affiliated links to websites like Viator or Get Your Guide-which exploit and extort smaller tour companies-are the most current sources of revenue. And the content is mostly dull. It rarely delves deeply into the subject they are writing about. It's a list of places with links. Perhaps it's an interview with a popular figure or the story of a winemaker or chef, but it's all the information you can find on their website anyway. It's lifestyle writing but without depth. It's written in what wine writer Meg Maker calls, "press trip report" pattern language.
Of course, light-hearted pieces about Italy and Italians have their place; they are pure escapism for the reader who isn't here, and it's good for the content creators. Travel guides by locals are useful for those who do not live here. But the more you read or even read into it, you realize they are selling a fantasy that doesn't exist, and over time, it really started to make me sick. The Christopher Colombizing of Italy (or really any place anglophones fantasize about) is deeply disturbing. I even met some of these people in person years ago when I thought networking would be helpful. They mansplain Italy to Italians.
I'd start asking myself, "Do these people even live here?" Or, "Was their life so bad from where they are from that minimal kindness from a server was enough to write pages on the kindness of Italians.” The way they write about Italian people is so gross and objectifying. The way they write about Italian people is like they are tourist attractions. Objects. It's demeaning and infantilizing of a country that has so much cultural diversity and history.
Most proponents of the La Dolce Vita lifestyle promote the idea that Italians live a carefree life, sipping Spritzes in the piazza at all hours of the day and lounging in their country villas. This idyllic image portrays a life free from worries, as if all Italians across the peninsula live this way. In reality, la dolce vita refers to a specific period between the 1950s and early 1960s, when Rome became a cultural hub for artists, nobles from old money, film producers, and actors, earning it the nickname ‘Hollywood on the Tiber.’ It was the post-war era when Italy began to experience prosperity and a period of economic boom. Rome became the hub of the cultural elite of the time, and the Via Veneto was at its center. It is the era itself that is La Dolce Vita, not a lifestyle, and the film depicts this period. That’s it.
Now, I am not trying to pretend I am superior. I have observed over time that there is a significant difference between people living in the culture and those who are just living here or visiting. I have an ex-friend from California who spoke flawless, accent free Italian and was absolutely clueless about the culture and bella figura. People married to Italians who have the whole in-law experience, and everything that comes with it are different from anglophones with money who build their dream life on the backs of Italians or those who make their money at home and live their fantasy once a year, then write about it. Of course, you don't need to be married to adopt the culture. I am sorry, but Stanley Tucci is not giving us authentic Italian food culture. While I am over the moon for the people who hosted him, he is a visitor, and those he visits and who cook for him are treating him as a guest. The local hosts would each have better shows. Being a guest in Italy is a great thing, especially in the south, where Greek hospitality rules are still practiced. You'll never be treated better anywhere in the world than when you are a guest here, whether it is at a hotel or in a home. Some of these people waxing poetic about their Italian experience, I am sorry to say, are perma-guests, and it becomes more obvious the more their crap comes across my feed. It also makes me pity them because they are revealing that they haven't been treated friendly by their neighbors or local watering holes back home. I am certain that when you visit a bar or restaurant repeatedly anywhere in the world, you start to have a more friendly experience; they get to know you and your preferences, and it is reflected in the service. This is not an Italian thing; this is a people-who-work-in-service thing.
Do you know who comes to Italy and has a pretty typical experience? Gordan Ramsey when he is with his friend Gino D'Acampo. They act like Italian brothers. They bicker, they have banter; you can tell Gordan is not a guest Gino needs to keep up appearances for, and so you get a more raw, authentic show. I love them. Regardless of what you may think of how sensational Gordan Ramsey is, those two have a very tender relationship and chemistry that only comes from long-term friendship. When they cook with local women, they are deeply respectful, and you don't get the sense that they are exploiting the culture. My issue is that most of the Italian La Dolce Vita content is exploitative, and it's not entirely accurate. They are presenting an Italy they experience as guests in the culture.
I know that if I'd stayed in California, I'd still have a lot of dogs and cats, I'd live in the countryside, and I'd have a garden. I would cook a lot, and I would probably work in the wine industry in some capacity. We choose to live in Italy because it benefits us. As a foreign national with family abroad, I can take more time off work to visit my family back home than Ettore could have taken if we stated in the States. If I still lived in the States, I'd get maybe ten days off, and even as a freelancer, if you aren't on call 24/7, you're penalized. If you get sick, you're shit out of luck if you don't have insurance. When I left the States, I had tens of thousands of dollars in medical debt because I have Crohn's disease. Once I got my paperwork done here, I was able to find a gastroenterologist easily, and for the first five years, I was under very intensive treatments that would have bankrupted me stateside, even after insurance. Medicine and education aren't for profit here. The lifestyle here is indeed much more relaxed. We made the right choice for us in our circumstances. I am not a girl boss or a hustler.
I am not here to shit on Italy, either. I do, however, think it is essential to mention what is never mentioned: Italy is currently ruled by real fascists, and if you walk around any city here, you realize quickly that it is a police state. Where I live, the current administration is so bad the town has become a total mess. There are potholes everywhere; you can't walk on the sidewalks because the bushes and grass are so overgrown. The illegal dumping of trash is a significant problem. Italy doesn't have a minimum wage. Wages are so low here that it is challenging to live and make progress. I don't know anyone in our family or group of friends who can afford the lifestyle anglophones are always writing about. There are no longer single-income homes with an adult at home cooking traditional foods for the entire family.
All you have to do is eavesdrop on people on public transport to know that we are in an overstressed and economically depressed society. It's why Italy has one of the lowest birthrates in the world and why women are waiting longer and longer to even have children if they do have them.
Having that information can be helpful when writing about food culture at the moment. You cannot dismiss the socioeconomic realties of people and romanticize playing poor for social media. I often receive messages from my Roman friends with links or screenshots of la dolce vita content asking, what the fuck is this? They feel caricatured and portrayed as naïve, innocent, ingenious, well-meaning natives. It's the benevolent, noble local trope that erases a person or people's individuality.
If you are writing about Italians, such as winemakers, artisans, or food producers in Italy, ask more probing questions about the economy, tariffs, global warming, the labor they employ, and how they finance their projects. Family money or EU grants? Or old-fashioned savings and loans? Who do they hire to do hard labor? It's not just important to share the reality of life here but also for readers to understand it. I personally think it is gross to always post about your dream life and everything you do and see and buy for soooo much cheaper than (whatever anglophone country you come from) to viewers who may be struggling to afford fresh food. The reason why fruit and vegetables are more affordable here at a farmers' markets is that wages are lower, there are subsidies available, there is a lot of labor exploitation of migrants, and they don't have the burden of having to be insured up the ass to protect themselves because it's not a litigious society, and they have social protections like healthcare. The reason there are so many houses to buy for less than €20,000 in towns is that those towns have been forgotten; they are economically depressed, have virtually no access to services, and the people who still live there have been left behind. I wish I earned US wages and lived in Italy. Dream!
Italian identity isn’t a theatre mask one gets to take on and off whenever one desires. Playing Italian and portraying a lifestyle that doesn’t exist is xenophobic. I don’t think these people understand the Catholicism, fatalism, and cynicism that is deeply engrained in this culture. And they don’t get it because they haven’t really understood Italian culture.
I no longer write about my Italian life because my life would be the same wherever I lived, with a few tweaks. I don't write about my life in Italy because my husband, his family, and our friends aren't objects for me to exploit. I don't write about my life in Italy because it is not that interesting. I don't write about my life in Italy because I think the fact that Italy is the third largest supplier of weapons to genocidal Israel is gross. I no longer write about my life in Italy because I want to keep my personal life as private as possible while still writing about topics that matter to me, including food systems, permaculture, gardening, food justice, food and wine history, Palestine, and animals. If I were to exploit my life here, you'd just see a lot of vet visits, me cooking for my dogs, taking care of senior dogs, weeding, work frustration, this fucking kitchen remodel, cooking, cleaning, cooking, cleaning, and me being an antisocial extrovert. Oh, and ceramics, my obsession with Neanderthals, and Depeche Mode. A boring, everyday life that would follow me anywhere. I actually think Wine is Boring lately. As Ettore says, “The wine swirlers ruined wine.” I don't think anyone needs a list of my favorite wine natural bars in Rome. If you want them, just ask. They aren’t a secret and they’re all the Raison natural wine app anyway. Nobody is giving you “insider” information, especially those that don’t live here. The only list I would want to write is a list of places that support Palestine.
We can all do better when writing about our adopted cultures. La Dolce Vita is a movie, and most people don't live in the bourgeois reality that has been laundered, packaged, and sold as a tour for visitors to buy. And probably from an offshore business based in their home country and they don’t pay taxes here.
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Italian culture, travel, or food and wine centered accounts I like and trust
Simply Divina- My Tiny Tuscan by
Understanding Rome's Newsletter
You should absolutely read this article by
And this article by
And this is an excellent piece by
It is the same everywhere in Europe. Great piece by
And I am still very proud of my piece on over tourism two years ago
For the Love of Baby Jesus, Please Stop Visiting Italy in July
For the Love of Baby Jesus, Please Stop Visiting Italy in July
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This is great - well said. When people here hear I lived in italy for so long, I get a lot of comments that I’m unsure how to respond to. Was it wonderful? Yes, in many ways it was. But it was also really tough, and sometimes frightening (as a young woman living on her own). I remember towards the end of my time there being so annoyed with the bloggers living in what I refer to as ex-patlandia, bragging about how amazing their Italian life was, meanwhile I was watching Romani and Italian pensioners digging through the discarded produce after the farmers markets closed because that was how they had to get their food. Or people beating immigrants in San Lorenzo while cops just watched. One of my last months there me and a friend scooted into a shop in piazza Vittorio to get out of the path of people marching and giving the fascist salute. I laugh anytime someone sends me a post like this”this Italian city will sell Americans trying to escape fascism a house for a euro”. Still, I miss it there everyday. But it’s important to keep in context the realities of life that lots of expats or visiting personalities seem to completely omit or miss entirely.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I've never lived abroad, so I don't feel qualified to make comparisons. But every time I read about the "slow lifestyle" in Italy, I wonder what on earth they think our lives are like. I can go on holiday in New York and find it "slow", too, because I am relaxed...of course, a big city and a Medieval town are different, but I still think there's an over-display of this kind of "slow", "simple" life.
There are people who live a slow life here because they do the bare minimum, and there are people who juggle three jobs. "Slow" often means you live in a freakin' 10k-inhabitant Medieval town where it's difficult to find the basic services or structures, especially since lately they're closing hospitals and schools, and half of the country is constantly under some kind of emergency (I lived through two major earthquakes, for instance).
And those cool aperitivi with friends? I'd love to have one, but I can't because all my friends moved to Milan to find a decent job and still barely cover the rent. Nothing dolce about that at all.
Thanks (and sorry for the rant, but I felt the need to share).